My husband, Dan and I have 2 children; Fergus who is 4 and June, 18 months. We have also had 4 other pregnancies that ended in miscarriage. I’ve had early miscarriages, missed miscarriages, natural miscarriages then medical management, surgical management, you name it. But we are some of the lucky ones, because we have Fergus and June.

1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss, and so many parents never find out why. We are those parents. Despite being told that it is almost impossible that there isn’t a medical reason for our losses, we have never found out the magic why. Just because miscarriage is common, it doesn’t meant it is should be just ‘one of those things’. Miscarriage is such a personal experience and can affect everyone around you. Hopes, dreams and plans are shattered in an instant and it can be inexplicably difficult to continue on with the journey to parenthood.

When I was pregnant with June and we got to a point where we thought everything would be OK, I promised myself that I would run a half marathon before I turned 40 and that I would raise money for Tommy’s The Baby Charity whilst doing so. The Manchester Half I signed up for was cancelled and I turn 40 tomorrow, so after snow last weekend, I've left the run until the very last minute for added drama.

Just before we found out I was pregnant with June, and shortly after our last miscarriage, I ran the Leeds 10K with my lovely friend Julia and we raised over £1000 for Tommy’s. It was an amazing experience but I realised I couldn’t ask for a penny more from people without doing more myself! I recently read that charitable donations are down by over 50% since this blasted pandemic hit, so it’s more important than ever for me to do what I can to make sure Tommy’s research continues. I am very aware that it's also more important than ever to take care of ourselves and many of us have been hit financially by this pandemic so if you don’t feel you can give anything, why not have a look into what Tommy’s do instead.

Tommy’s fund pioneering research into why pregnancy goes wrong. They offer specialist care at their clinics and research centres and  across the NHS. They provide expert advice for parents before, during and after pregnancy with the aim of safer, healthier pregnancies. And they provide vital resources and support to those who have lost babies - we are so grateful that they do.

After miscarriages, I found running to be a way to have some time to myself and process things; it’s amazing how much you can get out of your system with a blast around the block. I’ve gone back to it each time and again after I had June. Our family is complete now but that doesn’t mean I am ‘over’ our experiences or that they don’t matter anymore. Whilst I’m out there, I think a lot about how lucky we are but also about the pain and heart ache. Especially whilst training for this half marathon, if I’ve found a run particularly hard, I’ve told myself that I have definitely come through worse.

I have to see the positives though; our experience has allowed me to have conversations I couldn’t or wouldn’t have had before. I have made new friends, solely on the basis of our shared experience around miscarriage and pregnancy after loss (you know who you are). It allowed our family and friends to support us in ways we never knew they could and, I’m not sure of the exact maths, but if 4 of our 6 pregnancies ended in loss then surely that means a few extra sets of parents will never have to know what it’s like to lose a baby. That’s how I choose to see it anyway.

In order to get June, we had a huge amount of medical support from the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic at Leeds Teaching Hospitals Trust, and whilst I’m not raising money for them right now, the staff and initiatives there are worth a mention to those of you still reading this essay! And to our wonderful friends and family, thank you for helping us through it all.

Love,

Amy