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Where do I start....

On 15th May 2002 I had my first born son Kian :) He was my pride and joy 'Mummy's baby boy'

He was the most laid back, calm & happy little boy I knew. Not phased by anything, just a happy little sole. 

He'd had a few issues, nothing too serious we thought. He'd had a few 'episodes' which we were told were probably 'febrile convulsions' (A type of seizure/episode that a child has - often temperature associated - but that they normally grow out of).

These 'episodes' continued and there were quite a few times that they were severe enough for us to call an ambulance & it would end up in a hospital stay. The cycle continued and I guess you could say the older he got the longer these 'episodes' would last.

Apart from that, and for the majority of the time, he was a normal little boy. I went to work, he went to Nursery (or Nanny & Grandad's). We had a 'normal' little life.

Looking back I still don't even recall the word 'epilepsy' ever being mentioned to me. I don't feel that there was ever really any urgency from any of the medical professionals involved with Kian. Don't get me wrong I spent a lot of my time worrying about him - but I didn't know what I was worrying about or what was really happening I guess I still just hoped it would be something he grew out of. I didn't think for one second that something might happen to him.

We spent a lot of time waiting for appointments, being monitored in hospital after an episode. But more than anything I remember the normal things we did - going to visit friends, going to baby groups, being at Nanny & Grandad's, watching TV, going shopping - all those normal things you take for granted.

Only that weekend we'd been to a friends BBQ & he'd been a cheeky little monkey trying to pinch the remote and turn the TV over. It was the weekend of 31st August 2004 that I put Kian to sleep in his cot and sadly he never woke up. He was 2 years, 3 months and 16 days old.

We later found out that he'd had an epileptic fit in his sleep and hadn't recovered from it. 

Who knew (certainly not me) that Epilepsy could be a cause of death - I still don't understand it to this day. I thought it was a condition people had and they controlled it with medication (perhaps that's the case if it's diagnosed and medicated early enough)

I know there is nothing I could have done to prevent this happening, but I had no awareness of Epilepsy, the different types, the types of treatment/medication available. I feel now that there is so much information out there that I could have known - but that information just hasn't reached everyone - in particular medical professionals that should know. Knowledge is power, and looking back I had none.

• So my aim is to raise money for Epilepsy Action in memory of my baby boy Kian. In a selfish way it let's me keep his memory alive and at the forefront of everything I do. You're probably more than aware if your friends with me on FB that I love to talk about Kian, I love to remember him. I'm proud to be his Mummy and I'm proud of him just like I am my other children. He was my first born son and will hold the most special place in my heart forever.
• I also hope that I can get information out there about Epilepsy along the way.
• And finally I hope to raise money for Epilepsy Action so they can continue to carry on the work they do to help raise awareness, assist with research and inform people that were less informed than I was.

If you've read this far - well done lol I hope you can help me achieve my target. (Any donation will be appreciated)

Oh I guess there's the small issue that I have to complete a marathon - 26 miles OMG I've only ever ran 13 and that was hard enough! It terrifies me. It's gonna be a tough 24 weeks from now until then - there will be tears and tantrums along the way I'm sure. Let the training commence! Wish me luck - I'll need it!

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