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** UPDATE **

What a day - I sent Adi a text on Friday to ask him to look out for me. I didn't realise he would take it so literally even from the other side (I was monitored for my whole swim on Adi.tv see photos). Goggles filling up from the inside proved to be an amusing if not annoying issue but I managed to complete the race and set a personal best for one mile swimming.

Please have a look at the updated photographs of "Team Adi" to get a feel for the day - if for no other reason than I am immortalised forever in a wetsuit! The things you do for love.

I want to say a big Thank You to Andy and Sandy for all your encouragement, support and for understanding how much I had to do this for Adi, to Sarah for all the swims you came on with me and also to my big sister Caz who was the most fantastic swim support team: read as "Minister in Charge of Cigarettes", driver, motivational speaker and official photographer (Adi don't even say a word) that a little sister could ever dream of. Also a big Thank You to everyone from the Fool for your caring, help and for showing the milk of human kindness to a "virtual person" and most importantly I want to say Thank You to YOU ALL for sponsoring me and giving me the chance to help other people not be me.

 

Twice as many people take there own lives each day than are killed on the roads - that number needs to come down, and together we can make a difference.

 

** My story or why I did this **

I was widowed on the 10th of July 2009, when my beloved husband took his own life. I am swimming the Great East Swim on behalf of the charity MIND, they help people not end up where I am and give them a chance to live there should have been lives.

The Great East is a 1 mile open water swim (equivalent of 65 lengths of a standard pool) across Alton Water (Suffolk) on SEPTEMBER 26th 2009, the temperature is expected to be 15 degrees (half the temperature of a standard pool)- so pretty cold, but no way near as cold as the first night I spent alone.

I am doing this in memory of Adrian he  was so much larger than life and a genuinely beautiful person, he believed we have no limits other than those we set ourselves and I now know that nothing and I MEAN NOTHING is harder than living that first day without him, so please sponsor me and help me help people not be me.

Adrian couldn't swim and if he tried to it always looked more like an effective scramble for his life - I have spent the last 13 years of my life looking out for him when he was in or near water and I cannot tell you how much I will miss eagle eye action man "ALERT ADRIAN IS NEAR WATER" mode. He always promised me he was going to learn to swim well he can't do that now so I am swimming for him.

 

Out of the Darkness

"I may have lost  my spouse, my partner, my soulmate ...

but I am alive.  

I am a survivor of the dark night of unspeakable loss, of my own darkness and ...

I am alive.

I am unwilling to stand idly by and allow shame to defeat love or silence to defeat action.  I stand for the enlightenment of a society that would hide from suicide and

I am alive.
I am unwilling for my perseverance to be in vain. Unwilling for the passing of my loved one to be in shame. I loved them more than I loved myself and their life will have meaning in my action.

I am alive.

In a world blinded by the pursuit of pleasure, I am here to say that people are in pain. In a world rushing to get ahead, I am here to say that people are being left behind. In a world obsessed with the value of the market, I am here to speak for the value of life andI'm alive

This will be no quiet fight. 
I am the voice of audacity in the face of apathy.
I am the spirit of bravery in a world of caution.
I am a commitment of action in the face of neutrality

I am into the light and I am alive."

Reflection

Another day for you to wonder, another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and my troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go without words said.

My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.

Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsure
It wasn’t my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn’t my intention to leave and not stay.

I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn’t my intention to leave you, forever askinq why
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
It wasn’t my intention to tear your soul apart.

 

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