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Okay, so I’m not going to lie. This is absolutely terrifying for me to be writing and to be putting the most difficult part of my life online for anyone to read after keeping the majority of this to myself for the past nine months. I hope that from doing this I manage to create awareness, help a family in some way and raise money for the amazing charity - Cancer Research UK.

So, my name is Louise. I am 17, about to leave school, learning to drive, I have exams, prom and my sixth year holiday only a couple of months away and I am about to start studying at university after summer. Basically, a normal teenager with my “whole life ahead of me”.

Last summer, on the 7th July 2015, my life took a dramatic turn. I was just back from an unforgettable school trip to New York, when my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Now you may read that and automatically think ‘SMOKER!' but actually you are 100% wrong. My mum has never smoked. You may also be aware that lung cancer is more common in men and also older people, around the age of 70. Yet my mum was 50 when she got diagnosed, so that is wrong too. My mum is the complete opposite of a ‘stereotypical’ lung cancer patient. She had great health, never been in hospital, healthy life style, absolutely everything going for her! She was honestly the most perfect vibrant role model for a 16 year old girl to look up to. It is so unfair.

My mum went to the doctors because she was feeling more tired than usual and felt quite breathless, but other than that, no side effects. She got loads of tests done and everything came back clear and the doctors assumed it was nothing serious. However my mum had a bad feeling about it and requested them to do more tests. It was then that they found her lung was full of cancerous fluid. She got 5 LITRES of this fluid drained from her lung, which was really shocking to everyone that all this could build up, unknown to anyone. Before summer, I remember mum kept getting so frustrated because she was trying to lose weight for her holiday but she just kept staying at the same weight no matter how hard she tried! But that all made sense once we found out that the fluid had been building up.

At the end of July, the doctors found a huge blood clot in my mum’s lung, which is extremely serious. I remember the doctors preparing me to go in to her room and say my goodbyes to her because they didn’t expect her to make it through the next few days. No family should ever have to experience that. However as the unbelievable women she is, she proved them wrong, pulled through, bet the blood clot and was back home within a few weeks.

In my family, it’s the four of us. Mum, Dad, Gregg (my older brother) and me. We have always been the closest wee unit. We have travelled all over the world together, seen the most beautiful places and made the funniest memories that we all hold onto very closely just now. It would be easy for someone to sit here and say that ‘we are all so close’ after something like this happens, but genuinely, for my whole life, people have always commented on how strong and loving our family really are towards one another.

Getting told my mum, who is literally my best friend, has cancer was bad enough. Getting told she has lung cancer; which I then learned is one of the ‘worst’ types of cancer you can get, was horrendous. But then to find out that it is terminal and on average after five years of getting diagnosed only 1% of people are still living was just… I literally can’t even find the words to describe that feeling.

To have to sit and have conversations with your mum about your future when you both know it is very unlikely she will see it is the most difficult thing ever to experience. We have had conversations about my graduation, my future career goals, my wedding, my family… literally everything. Obviously, these are personal moments I don’t want to share. I think one of the hardest things about all this is that whenever I have ever had a difficult situation I’ve always gone to my mum and she always knows what to say to make it better. However in this circumstance I am trying to be strong to support her so I can’t do that. (I just want to say that if anyone reading this is ever in a similar situation to please message me because it is so important that everyone has someone to share their deepest thoughts and fears with whilst going through something as scary as this. Trust me, I know it is terrifying.)

My mum has gone through multiple different types of chemotherapy. This led mum and I having to find a wig to suit her and was as less noticeable as possible. Let's just say this was not the type of shopping me and mum were used to! Luckily, she didn’t loose her hair, it just got fine so this wasn't actually necessary.

The first chemo had a positive impact but it is too strong to stay on for too long a period of time, so that wasn’t an option anymore. The other’s didn’t work. We tried natural herbal remedies at home for months, but these haven’t worked either. It looked as if there was alternative treatment options to go on next, but two weeks ago we go hit with more bad news which takes these options away too. The doctors were looking into immunotherapy, which is a new type of treatment. Instead of the traditional way where the poisonous drugs kill off both the good and the bad cells, immunotherapy retrains the immune system to fight the cancer cells within the body. However, this drug has not been developed far enough for my mum to try. Currently, mum is about to start a new type of chemotherapy. We are all just holding onto every last inch of hope, and will never give up fighting.

On the 2nd September 2012, my Gran died from cancer. I had a really close relationship with my Gran so this was extremely hard for me and still is today. This was when my struggle with anxiety and panic attacks began. They are so horrible and uncontrollable and can be triggered by literally anything. I keep this pretty private as well since I know it is difficult for someone who doesn’t have them to understand it. If you know anyone who struggles with either of these please remember and reassure them that 'everything is okay'. They may seem quiet or uncomfortable some days, but they will find great comfort in being with you to take their mind off of whatever is playing on their mind. The psychological effects of cancer are just as horrible as the physical for everyone involved.

I find it shocking that although lung cancer is the number 1 cancer killer, it receives a huge amount less in funding than other cancers because of the stigma surrounding it. As you can see from my mum, lung cancer can affect anyone, even when you assume it won’t. Breast cancer has received £40.32 million for research whereas lung cancer has only received £14.16 million, all due to the stigma attached. Lung cancer is usually found far too late - because it has very few symptoms, resulting in it also being known as the 'silent killer'.

In June, I am participating in the Race for Life to raise money for Cancer Research. I want to raise as much money as I possibly can from sharing my story. Hopefully this will help other patients and families in some way. I've sat with patients whilst they get their treatment in the cancer ward at Ayr Hospital and at the Beatson Cancer Centre in Glasgow and they really are truly inspiring to talk to. 

Lastly, I just want to say a huge thank you to all the amazing people who have helped my family through this difficult time, it is a great support to all four of us.

Please help beat cancer sooner and donate to my page.

Lots of love n hugs
Louise x