I am amazed by and grateful for the amount of sponsorship I have received.  As this charity is so personal to me, I felt very touched by every donation made.  If you have sponsored me and I have not thanked you already personally, please know that I am extremely grateful.  And so, I am sure, are the Alzheimer’s society. 

On to the race.  The Inferno consists of several parts – it starts with a long flattish section in which you have to crouch in a ‘tuck’ position for a couple of minutes, squatting as low to the ground as possible so as to pick up the maximum speed, at until you reach a small hill which you have to push yourself up.  Next comes a steep winding section (the marvellously named “Kanonenrohr”) where you go as fast as you dare until you reach a very sharp left turn where there is only a bit of netting between you and the edge of the mountain; if you get past that you zigzag down some steep turns, tuck again, push and walk up a long steep hill, tuck for another 3 or 4 minutes, push yourself up another hill and then try to scrabble over the finish line.

I went out a few days early because I wanted to practice as much as possible.  I booked a lesson with a cheerful guy by the name of Andy, who gave me tips as to the race which sounded like metaphors for life, such as “You don’t win the race going downhill, you win it going uphill” and “You don’t win the race in the Kanonenrohr”.

On the day of the race, I was too nervous to eat.  I started as number 1193 out of about 1900, as a result of my poor showing last year.  I lined up behind a grey-haired Dutchman who had the air of a folk musician and a large German man who had stuffed his portly frame into a shiny, silver catsuit, with the result that he looked like an enormous sardine. 

Incidentally, I had been reflecting before the race how one of its advantages is that, unlike the Marathon, you don’t get overtaken by people dressed as gorillas or double-decker buses.  Then I noticed, in the cable car, a man dressed as a cow with a pair of distinctly un-aerodynamic horns.  Humiliatingly, his start time was about 50 before me, indicating that he had outperformed me last year.

Anyway, back to the start.  The racers start at 12 second intervals.  The bleeper went and I lunged through the starting gate in hot pursuit of the Dutchman.  After about a minute I was beginning to catch him on a narrow stretch of traverse when, to my horror, the human sardine went past me on the inside.  Fortunately, my 3 months of fitness training enabled me to push past both of them on the uphill section.  Following Andy’s advice I took the Kanonenrohr at a controlled pace, sneaked past a gaggle of people loitering on the corners of the zigzag and then went hell for leather on the downhill.   At the next uphill, I pushed, flailed and staggered my way past 5 or 10 of my sweating, panting competitors, then sped as fast as I could down the last downhill section.  At the finish I had to make one last 20 yard push uphill before crossing a narrow bridge, elbowing past a couple of stragglers and collapsing over the finish line.

Having overtaken about 15 or 20 people I thought that I must have done very well.  It turns out that that had more to do with the people who were around me than my performance.  Still, I crept into respectability – finishing in 12 minutes 5 seconds, 938th – an improvement of around 250 places since last year.  More importantly, those of you who kindly offered to double the sponsorship and/or bake me cakes if I was in the top 1,000 will now have to oblige.

I will definitely be doing it again next year, this time armed with longer skis and a catsuit (maybe I will ask the German guy where he bought his).  I don’t think I can ask for sponsorship again but if any of you would like to join me for the race, I would be delighted.

If you have not sponsored me already, it is not too late!  Donating through this site is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to sponsor me: Alzheimer's Society will receive your money faster and, if you are a UK taxpayer, an extra 28% in tax will be added to your gift at no cost to you.

Thank you!

P.S. There should now be a photo of me and a video of what it is like to do the course posted.  If the video does not work you can go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfBdgsUphzA