Rob and Becky’s story

So once again we want to raise some money for a fabulous charity that have helped us through the past couple of years - this time Dorothy House.

We will be walking again but this time with a fabulous twist (thanks to the genius creative mind of Anna Robertson and the motivation of the wonderful Alex Pugh) - four of us will be walking 10km joined together and dressed as a piano!! We wanted to celebrate one of the amazing talents of my amazing husband Rob Henderson who continues to fight cancer. He is defined by his wonderful character, huge heart, brilliant sense of humour, his jaw dropping musicianship on top of his ability to be a truly magical Daddy to our little girl.

Charities like Dorothy house can help people live and be themselves even with cancer and we’d like to help them continue their amazing work. 

Our story is a bit of a beast of a read - if you already know our story please just scroll down to the 2018/19 update :)

Our story
On March 7th 2017 we were a normal family busying our way through life and enjoying the joys of our gorgeous 3 year old daughter. On March the 8th our world fell apart. My husband was diagnosed with Metastatic Melanoma in his neck and on the back of his head. We were both approaching our 40th Birthdays and plans for a big party were underway. We had no idea at that point of the horrors that would replace our celebrations.

The word Cancer was difficult enough to process but it was the surgeries, treatments and side effects that have been intensely traumatic, obviously physically for my amazingly strong husband but, also emotionally for so many people around him who love him so dearly.

In the April Rob had major surgery to remove half of his neck and a sizeable part of the back of his head. It was after the surgery that, once again, we called upon Dorothy house. I was starting to feel extremely anxious about how to talk to our 3 year old daughter about Daddy. Dorothy House were great on the phone giving valuable advice and reassurance that I was doing everything in my power to keep her informed and settled. Mathilda-May has been tougher than we ever could imagine and has taken everything in her stride (even looking at some very traumatic wounds on Daddy’s head hasn’t appeared to phase her).

We had huge hopes that the 9 hours in surgery would sort everything out, but, that just wasn’t to be. The next planned step was to have Radiotherapy and in preparation for that Rob had 7 teeth removed which was traumatic in itself. A few days before Radiotherapy was due to start we had the call to tell us that the Cancer was back and appeared to be aggressive as it had only been 6 weeks since the surgery. Once again - rug pulled from under our feet.

The Radiotherapy was cancelled and we were advised that the new dual immunotherapy was our best chance. Obviously we took this and Rob had his first round in the July that year.

I struggled to see Rob being pumped full of such toxic and powerful drugs but the effect was almost instantaneous. Over the next 2 weeks we watched the lump on the back of his head physically shrink! A much needed ray of light. The second round came 3 weeks later but brought some horrendous side effects with it. Dual immunotherapy is only given to people who are young and strong enough to cope with it but it tested even Rob to the absolute max.

From this point we were in and out of hospital on a regular basis for the next 5 months. The bare bones of it are that the immunotherapy caused severe Colitis (a bowel condition). Rob had even more toxic drugs to try and counteract but with no success. In the September of the same year Rob had even more major surgery - this time to remove his bowel. Another massive blow to him and my family in so many ways. At this time Rob was on ridiculously high amounts of steroids to try and calm the immunotherapy down and so just going in to surgery was a risk. Those five and half hours were the longest five and a half hours of my life. Accompanying my husband to intensive care at the age of 40 is just something I hadn’t factored in to my life - it was all stuff that happens on TV not in real life. This left us once again not knowing what to do or think.

Rob being the amazing healer that he is recovered well from the surgery but had to endure horribly swollen legs that required intense strapping for months after. Returning home was a period of adjusting to life as we knew it now, but, with the hope that everything would settle from here on in. Unfortunately once again it was not to be and in the October 2017 Rob was re admitted to hospital with blood clots on his lungs. More treatment followed which dispersed this new threat pretty quickly and we all finally settled for a bit. We were looking forward to the excitement that the winter season brings - fireworks, Mathilda-May’s Birthday, our 6th Wedding Anniversary and of course Christmas with a 4 year old.

On November 22nd 2017 all change once again. Out of the blue Rob started experiencing a partial seizures in his right arm. After a very long day at A & E we were told that Rob had a brain tumour. It was likely to be the Melanoma as immunotherapy is great at covering the main body but not the brain. I can’t really put into words the impact this had on us all. It felt like the world was falling in on us as a family. We all struggle to come to the terms with what felt like the biggest of all the blows.

On December 21st Rob underwent Gamma Knife surgery. This for me was one of the most traumatic of procedures (I can’t even imagine how horrendous it was for Rob) His traumatised face after having the metal frame screwed into his head will haunt me forever. The surgery itself was painless and to this day appears to be working! As a preventative measure Rob is now taking anti Melanoma tablets to keep any more tumours at bay. Life at the moment is about coming to terms with the fact that Rob has to take drugs that are keeping him alive but making him feel pretty poorly at times. 

 He is an inspiration to so many people but not at least to our gorgeous little girl who idolises him and refers to him as the funniest Daddy ever! Throughout all of this Rob has retained his wonderful sense of humour, love and compassion for others. He is the strongest and bravest person I have ever known. The hardest thing for me is the powerlessness I feel - I would do anything to make this all better for my gorgeous husband but I can’t.

What I can do is try and raise some money so that other people going through this hell now or in the future can also be supported. Our life will never be the same but thanks to organisations like Dorothy House we are able to embrace the highs and stand a little bit stronger when facing the lows.

2018/19 update

The past 2 years have certainly been kinder to us - Rob had his stoma reversed, he got his driving license and thus his independence back, the 3 monthly CT and MRI scans have been clear and show no new cancer growth at the moment. Unfortunately Rob’s drugs are not curative and they still make life hard going for Rob at times but they are working well right now and long may they last.

Dorothy House have been instrumental in enabling me to get through the past 2 and a half years
- they have provided complimentary therapy ( reflexology and massage) a councillor who has helped me normalise my thoughts feelings and fears and priceless advice on how to help Mathilda-May through a hugely unsettling time.

We are so blessed to have an amazing Dorothy House hospice just down the road and know we can call on them whenever we need. They are indeed helping us live with cancer and it would be wonderful to give something back by raising as much money as possible so they can continue to help anyone who needs it now or in the future.