Why did I ask Pancreatic Cancer Action to help set this fund?
Have you ever heard the saying 'If something seems too good to be true, it usually is? That was my life before April 22nd 2011. I was so happy, in love and truly content. Some may say a little smug, and maybe I was.
I was married to the love of my life with two beautiful children Nathan 7 Ellie 5. It wasn't always that way, we had fought our battles with our families, friends & the biggest battle of all infertility. Almost 10 years of marriage and we were on the home straight......or so we thought.
April 22nd 2011 my life changed forever. I changed never to be the same person ever again after I heard those words 'Noel you have cancer, we think it's pancreatic cancer which has spread to your liver'. So many times Noel & I had talked about life, death and what if, I always thought I would be the strong one holding it together. No I failed miserably with that, I fell completely to pieces, sobbing so loud I think the entire surgery must have heard me. Meanwhile my love grabbed me holding me tight telling me it's going to be alright. I can still see the Dr not wanting to make eye contact with either of us and asking me if I needed something to help ME? I remember looking at Noel through the tears sitting there and he seemed not to register what she was saying, or maybe he did and he just held it together for the both of us.
We quickly learnt that we were living on borrowed time, infact six months was Noel's life expectancy. How do you live a lifetime in six months?
We talked and we talked until there was nothing left unsaid. We knew how 'in' love we were with each other. I can honestly said hand on heart we were more in love after 10 years of marriage than the day we originally took our vows and I guess the proof of that is evident in the photographs taken on our 10th wedding anniversary when we renewed our vows. Noel determined to walk me down the aisle, willing himself from his hospital bed less than 24 hours before following our children down the aisle to 'You're still the one' to pledge his love to me forever.
Every day when I woke to see Noel still living, breathing and fighting I thanked the Lord above. Every night I would tell him how much I loved him, and he I just in case....it was the last time we ever got to say it.
There were so many memories made in the 7 months we had. Some so precious and others that hurt so much that at almost 3 years down the line they still tear me to pieces.
Mummies are supposed to protect their babies not witness their hearts being broken and not being able to fix it. Not watching them crawl onto their daddy's bed telling them how much they love him or how much they are going to miss him when the angels come to take him to heaven.
Its the memories of Noel's strength, courage, love of life and love for his family and friends that gives me the courage to continue the fight against Pancreatic Cancer in HIS name.
Pancreatic cancer will NOT win, in Noel's memory and all the other purple angels WE will win the war #dosomething #believealways